This is the final part of The Unraveling series.
By the time you reach this post,
we’ve walked through masks and memories,
heartbreak and hidden grief.
We’ve named betrayal
and wept through fractured relationships.
But beneath every unraveling,
there’s been a question humming quietly in the background:
“How do you come back from this?”
This is my answer.
Not a perfect one.
Not a packaged fix.
But a real one.
Because healing didn’t come in one moment.
It came gently, in parts.
Through unexpected places.
In therapy rooms.
In Scriptures I’d read a hundred times
but only just begun to understand.
In the whisper of God reminding me
I didn’t have to carry this alone.
So before I close this chapter,
I want to talk about the part that changed everything:
Jesus and therapy.
Not one or the other.
Not prayer instead of tools.
But both, together.
This is how the replanting began.
How God helped me rebuild from the roots up.
And how I came to believe,
in the deepest parts of me,
that what tried to break me
would not have the final word.
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world,
but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
Romans 12:2
I always loved that verse.
I had it underlined in my Bible,
scribbled onto sticky notes,
posted on my wall.
But for years, I didn’t know how to actually do it.
I prayed, journalled and tried to “think better.”
But my thoughts ran rampant
with anxiety, fear and self-criticism.
It wasn’t until I began counselling and therapy
that I started to understand
how deeply my thinking was shaped by unseen beliefs.
It gave me the tools to renew my mind.
And Scripture gave me the truth
to replace the lies I had been living under.
Let’s Talk About the Taboo
For some reading this,
especially those outside of Polynesian culture,
therapy may not seem like a controversial choice.
But in many Samoan circles,
counselling can carry a quiet stigma.
It is sometimes viewed as unnecessary
if you just “pray more” or “have enough faith.”
There is a deep respect
for strength and silence in our culture.
Family matters stay in the family.
Pain is internalised, not spoken aloud.
We are taught to endure quietly,
not seek help publicly.
But that silence nearly killed me.
I thought I was being strong
by carrying it all on my own,
but it only led me deeper into isolation…
and eventually, suicidal thoughts.
And I know I am not the only one.
This silence,
the unspoken pressure to keep things hidden,
has cost lives in our community.
Too many of our people are dying in the dark
because we’ve made vulnerability taboo.
Because we’ve told each other,
without saying it outright,
that healing is weakness
and seeking help is shameful.
But Jesus never shamed the broken.
He sat with them.
He touched the untouchable.
He called them healed.
So if this part makes you uncomfortable,
I say it with love:
Silence is not strength.
Speaking up saved my life.
And if you are struggling,
it might just save yours too.
Therapy was not a replacement for God.
It was one of the ways He met me.
Both can coexist.
They should.
Counselling and therapy helped me understand the roots.
Scripture handed me the seeds.
And God,
He did the growing.
That First Session
I still remember my first therapy session.
It was over video call
as she lived too far,
and I didn’t have the energy to drive.
I hadn’t planned to say much.
Just enough to make it look like I was coping.
But somewhere between my exhaustion and her kindness,
the truth came pouring out, layer after layer.
I told her things I hadn’t told anyone.
An unfiltered level of honesty.
She didn’t flinch.
But I saw it in her eyes
her softness,
the thickened voice that said,
“You’ve been through so much.”
Then she gave me a name for it: complicated grief.
Loss layered with betrayal and trauma.
With questions that didn’t have easy answers.
And something about naming it
helped me breathe again.
It didn’t erase the pain.
But it gave it shape.
And what you can name,
you can start to heal.
Some therapist circles say,
“Name it to tame it”.
Digging Into the Roots
In Cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT),
we talk about core beliefs,
deep, often hidden convictions
that shape how we see ourselves, others and the world.
These are not thoughts we say out loud.
They are the quiet ones we live by.
For me, those beliefs sounded like:
“I’m not good enough.”
“If I mess up, people leave.”
“I have to keep everything under control.”
These beliefs were not planted by truth.
They came from past wounds,
unmet needs,
and experiences that taught me to survive
but not to thrive.
They were the roots of my anxiety,
perfectionism,
and shame.
Taking Every Thought Captive
“We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
2 Corinthians 10:5
In CBT,
one of the things you learn
is how to notice your thoughts,
write them down,
and challenge them.
It’s called a thought record.
But what surprised me most
was how biblical it felt.
CBT gave me questions to ask myself:
Is this thought true?
Is it helpful?
Is there evidence for it,
or against it?
And through Scripture,
I began replacing those beliefs
with something better.
CBT helped me examine the roots.
Scripture handed me the seeds.
And together,
they began to replant
what was never meant to grow wild.
The Pain of Uprooting
Here is something I didn’t expect:
letting go of old beliefs hurt.
Even the painful ones had become part of me.
They were familiar.
Predictable.
Safe.
But God never called me to comfort.
He called me to transformation.
“Every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.”
John 15:2
CBT taught me how to prune.
God gave me the courage to let Him.
And the more He pruned,
the more I began to understand
what Jesus meant when He said:
“So if the Son sets you free,
you will be free indeed.”
John 8:36
Not just free from sin,
but from the lies I had lived under for years.
From shame masquerading as humility.
From the need to perform, please or prove.
Freedom did not come in one loud moment.
It came gently,
in therapy rooms,
in quiet prayers,
in daily surrender.
And it was real.
It was deep.
It was mine.
Rewiring the Wounds
Now this might sound a bit sciencey,
but stay with me,
therapy helps rewire the neuropathways in the brain.
The fancy term for this is neuroplasticity.
Think of your mind like a field.
The more you walk the same path,
the deeper it becomes.
But with therapy and the Word of God,
you begin to create new tracks
ones that lead to peace, not panic.
Hope not fear.
Truth not shame.
And over time,
those old paths grow over,
while the new ones become
the roads you run to first.
It doesn’t mean the pain disappears overnight.
But it means your brain can learn to believe again.
Your heart can learn to trust again.
And your thoughts can be trained
to follow truth,
not trauma.
Growing New Roots
Transformation is not instant.
In CBT,
I had to practise new thoughts over and over
until they began to feel true.
In faith,
I had to trust God’s Word
even when my feelings did not agree.
Slowly, things began to shift.
I became more grounded.
Less reactive.
More kind to myself.
More trusting of God.
I still have hard days,
but now I know how to meet them
with truth,
not just emotion.
Reflection Prompts
- What unspoken beliefs have shaped your thoughts?
- What old lies are you still living under?
- Which biblical truths speak directly to those places?
- What would it look like to let God transform even your inner dialogue?
A Prayer for Renewal
Father,
Help me notice the thoughts
that do not align with Your truth.
Expose the lies I have believed,
about myself, others, and even You.
Teach me to take every thought captive
and submit it to Your Word.
Let Your voice grow louder than my fears,
and Your truth deeper than my pain.
Transform me from the inside out.
Root me in Your love,
and renew my mind daily
until I begin to think, speak, and live
like someone who is deeply known and truly free.
In Jesus’ name, amen.
A Declaration for the Chain-Breakers
This post may look like a story,
but it is really a sword.
A breaking of silence.
A breaking of chains.
What bound me will not bind my daughter.
What silenced me will not silence the next.
Let it be known
this is where it ends.
And this is where healing begins.
Author’s Note
Thank you for journeying through The Unraveling with me. As I enter a new season of study, ministry and solo parenting, I may not be writing as frequently but I pray this post leaves you with insight for the next steps, wherever you are planted.
Let the healing continue.
Eden & Ashes 